NOT SHUT UP

Each night when I lie down in my bed,
Childhood memories seize the thoughts in my head:
Scary people, that I dared not name,
Unable to tell, not wanting the shame;
Powerless to act, not able to fight,
Just praying for morning, the welcome daylight.
I started to sleepwalk, and talk in my sleep:
Subconscious secrets that I just couldn’t keep.
It affected my life – I started to stutter;
Not able to talk, not even to mutter.
Nobody noticed or knew of my plight.
Nobody heard my tears every night.
Sometimes I’d wish I was no longer alive –
Thoughts no-one should have when aged only five.
So I carried the secrets all through my life,
Stayed silent, told no-one, not even my wife,
And the circle went on, and I did the same,
My despicable actions compounding my shame.
They locked me up for many a day.
My wife and my children were taken away.
I look back on my life to when I was young.
I remember games played, and songs I have sung,
But I wish I could remove from my memory
Those scary people, and what they did to me.

Jeff